100 Comments

  1. john rymer says:

    I’d love to talk to you in person dr Ramani mostly to thank you! You’ve helped me so much! Keep up the good work!!

  2. Mmichelle Black says:

    Dr Ramani I’ve been loving your videos. When I hear about love bombing it always seems to be about romantic relationships and I was wondering what a narcissistic parent love bombing their child would look like especially in a very religious home?

  3. missg says:

    This will help a lot of people. Thanks 🌸

  4. Kimico Mehta says:

    Out of the 'Euphoric recall' phase but what it still does is makes one really sad for the years lost in believing that there was 'something' there. There was nothing! It was such a 'hollow' association. Also it is dreadful to learn after following you Dr Ramani, that there are so many stricken with this dreadful personality disorder destroying lives and crushing souls with their abusive ways.

  5. Nora Peace says:

    Oh no, I only remember the bad stuff 😂 also, I know whoever the narc ex dates is going to have a living hell the closer she gets to him so I don’t even care

  6. Rain Falls says:

    Loving the ‘ick list’!

  7. Virgie Mata says:

    This is what's happening to me. Thank you for the enlightenment. God bless you.

  8. Loretta Nericcio-Bohlman says:

    One of the hardest ick things I experienced was when my wife said to me “for you our marriage was about love; for me it was a production” 😳😔 holy shit

  9. hermanova says:

    Thank you for getting the microphone. The audio quality is so much better now! 🙂

  10. Basque Wasp says:

    Pushing the two first years of sobriety… zero drugs and alcohol. The first months I remember even dreaming about it, on a regular basis. A few times I have been tempted to give it a try and see what happens, but then I remember the psychotic sprouts, the paranoia, hallucinations and other departures from reality (leaving aside the physical, social and economic downsides) and carry on, another day sober.
    Now I am drawing and painting again, and value things for their real worth.
    Thank you very much for all your videos, here and in Medcircle, they are a massive help.

  11. worldtraveller nyc says:

    Even though my Ick list is so long but he has the knack of making me feel sorry for him.

  12. Roland Berendonck says:

    Perfect lecture for me!!! Thank you very much Dr Ramani. When I am in this phase I immediately go to the next pitfall which is blaming myself. So I continue to focus on what I did wrong and start blaming myself and beating myself up that it was my fault that it ended this way.
    This is caused by my youth in which I was neglected and in which I was told that if anything was wrong it was always my fault.
    So euphoric recall is indeed the wrong exit in my thought process.

  13. the poor groom's bride is a whore says:

    I'm so far past my narcs and ahead of them in this regard that i nod and smile when they attempt the euphoric recall. Because the bad always outweighs the good in every instance. I've managed to go no contact with my narc mother, though she still tries disgusting tactics such as adding many of my Facebook friends. And leaving them uplifting encouraging comments that she would NEVER say to her own children. I've decided to delete all of those people even though they've done nothing and know nothing of the damage between my mother and i. It was difficult to make that decision but it helps, so that i dont have to see any of it. I do however have to maintain minimal contact with my daughters dad who is a malignant grandiose narcissist. He pulls those recalls and i do agree that they were good times, but i know better. He sometimes sends pics of us "happy" together. It does nothing to me. At all. He would destroy me for my sense of style. And in an act of rebellion once i left him in the dust, i slowly built back up to who i was. I put that piercing back in my lip that he HATED. he would say it looked disgusting and "ghetto". Well its back in. And so is my style, the way i dress and carry myself. It was a form of healing. The piercings arent important to me, it just somehow made me feel as though i had taken back the reins of my life and identity.

  14. Daniela SOS says:

    Hello! Great video! Pls can I ask something? I started working at a restaurant and in my third day: the owner asked me to serve 1 ice tea. So, I asked: '' Where is the ice tea? ''. Then he said: '' Its your third day and you dont know it?'' And then he turned his back and LEFT and he DID NOT ANSWER to me! So, I had to ask another person! Please is this abuse? It is disrespect right? To what level of disrespect this is? Small or big? I think it is very offensive…What is YOUR opinion? Thank you so much!!!!

  15. Brenda Gurley says:

    Oh my goodness! I did that for years. The forever optimist. Watched a movie last night and recognized the narc and love bombing then …the return to demanding adoration and mistreatment. Thank you so much for doing these videos! I’m learning!

  16. Benaiah Wright says:

    Please don't assume that only men can be narcissistic. 🙂

  17. commonman80 says:

    This Is 100% True… Here You Go… This Song NAILS IT.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phLlo_t-z-U (FOR THE GOOD TIMES..) 😆😆😆😆😎😎😎😎😎 In Recovery From Addiction, It's Called Looking For That First High.. Because There's No "High"" Like That "First High"… This Is The Primary Cause Of Addiction… However? What People/Most People Who Become Addicted Never Realize Is? They Will NEVER AGAIN Get That First High.. And, If They Start To Look For It? That's The Time They Need To Stop Using The Substance.. Because At That Point? They're Addicted/Hooked.. Yep…

  18. Boubou Nouna says:

    yay! we have a new mic.

  19. J o says:

    My DV attorney encouraged me to create an ICK list!!! I have it and occasionally look back when feel disoriented by the cognitive dissonance.

  20. ty m says:

    Love yourself first then share your love with others. If those persons play games or reject your love, go out and do things to heal and love yourself even more. Also, come to terms with the fact that those mentioned parties do not deserve your love.

  21. Raul's D.I.Y. Videos says:

    Awesome advice

  22. L.M. F.G. says:

    It's called also Perverse Amnesia.

  23. Felicity Staley says:

    Thank you so much for this video. It couldn't have been more accurate and more timely. I am going to start my ick list today!

  24. Nikki Sainte-Marie says:

    It is very affirming because I do not feel pathetic or weird for thinking about things like this. Knowing this has helped me process and ruminate LESS

    Every INVALIDATION???? That would take months to write down!

  25. Marny Khalil says:

    My narc ex, after every breakup we had, used to induce them in me, by sending photos /videos to me captioned remember how happy we were? Let's give it another shot, as a way to hoover me back.
    I still get euphoric recalls and cry till this day even after the relationship is over but I've trained my mind to memorize this ick list (thanks to dr. Ramani) and i pretty much get over it right then and there.

  26. The Gargoyle says:

    Ick list? Everything you can imagine, from being told I was less than a human being to my jewels stolen so that he had money to gamble. Also, I was the reason why he was an alcoholic (I met him when he was 36, and he had started drinking at 12…..). And I could go on forever 🙄

  27. Erin Kaye Ozga says:

    I experienced everything you talked about! Thank you for educating all of us🙏🏻

  28. Kash G. says:

    Wow, this is incredibly insightful. I find myself looking past 2+ years of gaslighting and cheating alongside a coterie of lies. Instead, I find myself on road trips, on vacation, by her side and seemingly lost in moments of joy and rapture.

  29. Li Roiter says:

    What keeps me… is I want hin to PAY AND STOP BEING SO HAPPY ..and unnacoutable..return my belongings…stip.invij g me do ridneners knowing I mourn and lat rhunsg I want is to see hi…syop provoking mr making me scream to stay away and rhen recording me
    .some he get enough?oh no he didnt..why not "arrest "me.now even he s the criminal …he killed my sevice dog .but he won over me 1st as mone of this would have happned if he didnr break my ear limg walls of Buddhist calmness..abolty to neiteilair. I just COULDMR GET RID OF HIM AND HE CINVUCNED EVRYINE I M WAS RHE ISSUE AND MYOWN ISSUE SND HES MY VICTIM
    .he calls me bipolar now..i tired everything including outsmart hi
    Hide run ignore ..NO HE ENATED ME TO SCREAM TO BREAK DONE AGYER HE NROEK ALL FOR MEAND I M HOMLESS NOW.JOB LESS AND SICK

  30. RF DXer says:

    OK. So she's done stuff like gaslighting, threatening to send out the flying monkeys, being jealous over contact with my kids, parents, family, etc. How do I really know she's got NPD? I'm not a professional clinical psychologist. Do I just trust my feelings and diagnose her myself? Just want to be sure before I bogart the relationship.

  31. Tom Salzano says:

    So good, Dr. Ramani. I didn't know what the principle behind this effect was actually due to, or how it worked in the brain, but the pieces fell together when you described just a few of the 'connect-the-dots' here…..and everything lined up. I learned to do this ( remember the 'bad'….or more to the point, the 'accurate' ) to balance out the scales when my brain tried to shield me from the pain by letting the painful memories take a back seat, while the 'good' ones take center stage. I likened this technique to almost 'gas-lighting' myself back into the truth and a balanced perspective when my brain's own self-protection mechanisms were trying to gaslight me into NOT remembering the bad with the ( sparse ) good.

    I felt the effect happening and knew I needed to counteract it in order to stay balanced and truthful in what I remembered, but now I have a label / category to help describe it to others as I come alongside them in their healing journies while breaking free from those with BPD / NPD, or significant 'traits-of' those famous Cluster-B's. THANK YOU AGAIN !!! :- D

  32. Sandy C says:

    Thank you 🙏🏼

  33. Nomini - says:

    Some & I include me; are/were only ever aware of our self boundried wishes, desires, conduct when in relationship.

    As much as one can be aware of self, others, situations, verbal/physical/intimate/non intimate transactions – An individual can only truly see that, that we are aware of in our periphery, learning & experience until it’s too late.

    We do not see where others can manipulate, lie, degrade, abuse; as it is completely foreign to our process.
    Our mind simply doesn’t go there but our gut does.

    One simply cannot process that a loved one could behave or act in such a way…It doesn’t even hit our thoughts, our processes as it is ‘alien’.
    How could the person I trust & love do this?
    Listen to your gut.

    Unfortunately & fortunately we must open our minds to safeguarding awareness, signals & traits.

    Keep being loving & humane.
    Be open to loving you first above all.
    Raise awareness in yourself & others to spot traits/flags & stop abuse before it happens.

    Be more aware of your body, your gut, your instincts; we now have more information to understand & support one another.

    Dr Ramani! Keep doing what your doing please.
    This needs awareness.

  34. Amber U says:

    I think this concept is flat out 50% of the recovery process, getting over the “ good times” the times when the mask was up and I wasn’t being lied to, abused, manipulated, neglected, cheated on and gaslighted……This is my second round with a narc and i am moving past this individual faster than the first but i still think about some of the good times now and then ,but quickly realize my mind wants to soften the blow but realistically I was dealing with a monster a nightmare. My depression now is associated with how i have managed to attract these type of individuals and now I live in fear that my filter is still not working and I could be tricked again OR that since we are under siege as a society with narcs that there are no “ good guys” left for someone like me and if there are I cannot even recognize them because they might be narcs! I fear I may be alone and that makes me sad…..

  35. SealedTilRedemption says:

    This is actually on point I also follow Meredith Miller from inner integration and she says the same about writing down everything they do you when you want to think about the so called good. Great content as usual thank you Dr Ramani

  36. Eyeswideshut says:

    Boy do I have a long list.

  37. Marie AN says:

    Ick 1: lied to me about having an ex with cancer, the very first day we met.

  38. Gilmourish Gilmourish says:

    All the things you mentioned… I didn’t even have that!! Still hurts though after 11 months. Ruminations exactly! Writing it all down… 50 pages already !!

  39. Antoinette Daniels says:

    So crazy but I was never one to listen to everything narcissist say….. I've always been very firm in my beliefs and interest.Though sometimes some things have seeped in… I remember my mom hates when I put black pepper on my food. She makes a big deal about it. It's really more about the fact that she doesn't like black pepper….I do. I just keep sprinkling it…lol

  40. Sandy Bella says:

    This video is such Synchronicity. I noticed the notification just as I was having a moment of Euphoric Recall. You do actually feel high when it happens.
    Euphoric Recall is My Enemy 😵😵😵

  41. Gaia says:

    My "ick list" could be extremely long. But here I will post only few thoughts.
    1) The slaps in the face that I didn't deserve;
    2) Everytime I said "stop" and he continued until I cried;
    3) "You are not a model. I can have so much better than you. I only stay with you cuz you are all I can achieve right now, but If I were different, I'd choose someone more beautiful and sexy. My exes were way better than you. I don't love you or want you. You are worthy for nothing! You are like a black cat, you give me bad luck", etc.
    4) WHEN I LEFT AFTER 8 YEARS: "I payed people to have information about you. You left because you are cheating on me. You have someone else on the side. You are a bad person. I want to kill myself now cuz I lost you. I want to hurt myself so bad, please, help me. I'm a good guy".
    He threatened me in a very serious way, I should have called the police but I didn't.

  42. Michaele V. says:

    I kept receipts and bank statements to let me never forget – I guess this part of my ick list.

  43. Rock-E Oldboy says:

    Thank you

  44. Carol B says:

    This is so well done! 💙

  45. Human Being says:

    Seriously Dr Ramani, finding you on YouTube has saved me my sanity. All the way from Sydney, Australia, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you!

  46. Christopher Paolini says:

    This video and Dr. Ramani's past video on intermittent reinforcement are her best, in my opinion. Dr. Ramani really hits the nail on the head in this video. Chasing the narcissist is akin to chasing the dragon. You can never capture that love bombing high again.

  47. Love, Judy says:

    I recently found you but didn’t think I needed to listen. I mean there has been no contact for nearly a year,I’m good,I’m strong. But you know what? I’m not. Last night I had to resist contact. And it was SOOOOO hard. I remembered these videos and hung on by my fingernails. So 🙏🏻. Glad I’m here. O! Also I’m making my list 🤘

  48. Xaforn says:

    Love your videos, explains so much and brings clarity to my past. The emotional abuse, being alone and hearing my son cry was the worst.

  49. Malcolm Naylor says:

    " I'm all for people having positive thoughts – but I am not a big fan of people having distorted thoughts" Excellent point. God bless from Australia.

  50. Miguel Hernandez says:

    Dr. Rahmani please be careful. If someone opens those droors they will hit you in the head!

  51. Charlie Dallachie says:

    She took 3 minute showers, she smelled, she was a slob and caused a roach infestation, never flushed the toilet the last few months together (maybe on purpose). she would hold going to the bathroom on trips and pee her pants (not joking, I think to embarrass me) she was wreckless with money and drained her bank account several times for solo or girls only trips, she would text and drive and wrecked the car, she didn’t know how to do laundry or dishes, since she didn’t do any of that growing up, she let herself go and gained a lot of weight binging on cake and ice cream every night. Would always ask me to go out and get to go food. She just suddenly stopped respecting me in general after I moved in.

    Most of the above manifested after moving in with her (the last 6 months of the relationship). Amazing I overlooked and accepted those things because I thought I loved who I thought she was and thought I’d help her with that stuff since she grew up poor in South America, attributed it to culture and it seemed fixable until the pathological lying, the cheating, emotional abuse and the discard for the new guy all behind my back which is what did it in. They’re married now so good luck to him, maybe it’s a better match for her idk. Glad I don’t have to put up with that anymore, I probably would have left eventually if all that continued. For a 30 year old adult woman at the time she sure was like an adult toddler, it seems to be a common trait with narcissists.

  52. Jen Marks says:

    Difficult, yet necessary. Thanks, as always, Doctor Ramani. ❤️

  53. Debra Little says:

    We always have to remind ourselves of all the crap in the toxic relationship. It's so easy to go back. I'm getting better at not falling for the good memories.

  54. Lil Brando says:

    I needed to hear this today. Thank you so much!

  55. Jon V says:

    2020 will leads to more healing from narcissist abuse and living life by my terms. Still experiencing euphoric recall, since my wife and I are alone for the holidays for the first time. Appreciate the video to open up my eyes with dealing with euphoric recall.

  56. Nancy Mann says:

    My narc used the priest from my church (Episcopalian) to marry him to a woman he knew for 20 weeks after breaking off our 9 year relationship. Talked the priest into marrying him to a woman from a cult like faith. Ugh. ICK!!!!!

  57. Khalled Alves says:

    I'm trapped in a house with a negligent man and two narcissistic thots. I try to keep minding my business and getting busy, but I can't help but feeling neglected…

  58. geralynnow says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  59. Ann Whelan says:

    Thank you!! Love your videos. 🌻

  60. sissy j Williams says:

    This lady knows her stuff. She Has helped me so much. Surrounded by several. Mother,sister,daughter. Their evil.

  61. B.I. MacDonald says:

    I swear i didn’t need you to define it.

    I never heard of it before but

    i knew exactly that this was me..
    Its awful. I feel ick.

    I get stuck in this mindphuk. I think i may have a vagina in my forehead
    Ick list.
    Im going to do this.

    Thanks . For the words i could never find to explain this. Phase. Its a real killer

  62. Thailet Saengaloun says:

    Omg going thru that right now. Red flags he tries to dismiss and lots of gaslighting. He also says "Why don't you only see the good in me, it's all in your head."

  63. DJ Crackademiks says:

    Perfect way to phrase it… “Euphoric Recall” … Appreciate you and your vids. 3 years no contact and my life is amazing now

  64. Syl says:

    This is a mild “ick” moment but still: I got a wall decoration to put above my flat screen and I just LOVED it. Narc kept critiquing it every time she came over, “it’s not right for THAT spot”. Me: “And why not?” Narc: “It just isn’t.” with an eye roll. I fought her on it every time because I didn’t want her to win and make me feel badly about my beloved item. And THEN she got the same kind of wall decoration and hung it over HER flat screen! And when I said, “See! I knew it was nice. You even copied me and did the same thing!” And she says, “I NEVER said I didn’t like it, I just said it wasn’t right.”
    What……..????!!!!!

  65. Nicole Bollerman says:

    The ick that opened my eyes to who my “best friend” really was: Was messaging my ex every single day and every time I asked (I had a feeling it was happening) she told me she wasn’t or not to worry about it because they “hardly ever talked” Then went to his house one night and was going to keep that from me as well, but I caught her out, and that’s where her narcissism really amped up and she went in on destroying every area of my life she could get her manipulative hands on

  66. Natalia Alfonso says:

    I feel so lost because I've been dealing with narcissists since birth. On account of my narc parents.

    And for sure I've had relationships where I was caught up in euphoric recall.

    But not in the past years! Genuinly maybe not even in more than a decade!

    And yet….. I keep attracting them. Honestly, probably more NOW. The stronger I get and the more I don't want them, the more they persist.

    And the older I get, the less good ANYTHING happens. At all.

    With my most recent narc, aside from sex and a very similar sense of humor that would frankly crack us both up, always….
    There are no good memories.

    And it has been my worst one to ever get over. Bc it's as though I'm so desperate for ONE GOOD TIME….

    ONE GOOD TIME without lies, without deceit, without coercion…..

    ONE TIME that wouldn't be embarassing to tell someone about.

    And I'm not gonna get it.

    And I don't know how to heal from that.

    I don't know why we don't call COERCING and deceiving people into sexual relationships what it is either.
    It's rape, and I notice a lot of survivors are even reticent to call it that.

    Here's how weird my situation is: I know what it is. My narc knows what it is.

    Any time I've explained to a rapey narc that fucking me in my sleep or me waking up after kicking them out of my house with them in my bed or them fucking me even if I've written EXPRESSLY, VIA time stamped texts, that I don't consent to sex if they've lied/cheated/are on drugs/have another woman/etc….

    They AT FIRST are derangedly defensive. The cognitive dissonance of being called a rapist overwhelms them.

    But, I DUNNO, maybe I really am just the world's most persistent war machine harpy…..

    But THEY THEMSELVES always end up admitting it. Confessing it! In writing and on known recordings and everything!

    But society at large doesn't seem to treat these rapes as rape.

    It's the dictionary definition! And yet we don't seem to be treating survivors of narcisisstic SEXUAL abuse as rape survivors.

    And some of us have literally ONLY EVER EXPERIENCED THAT.

    If we are narcissist magnets, and raised by narcs to define abuse as love, it is entirely possible to have had many many many sexual partners…..

    And not a ONE who hasn't tricked coerced lied or forced their way into sex with us.

  67. Liz Villa says:

    Thank you so much it's a reminder that I need to make the list of bad memories that are still lingering in my unconscious. BUT mostly to get CLOSURE for myself and see what has been right in front of me all this time! What was too hard to see, to accept the unhealthy people in my life including my ex to have denied my gut feeling my sense of being feeling and thinking. I DID have euphoric recall but NOW that am getting mentally, spiritually stronger I am having less of the good memories, only left to continue to explore the bad times to call each event by there name! LYING, GASLITHTING, LOVEBOMING, and so forth. That at the end Dr. Ramani am not crazy or to sensitive, or even dumb as I'm told I misinterpret what they said! No am not eating there shit they are feeding me, no more!😊 You said something important in one of your video, be CALM as they pretty much want you to be unbalanced ! That's the worse thing you can do loose it I know because then they turn the tables and now your the crazy one.. Although I Haven't conquered it quite yet it's a work in progress but I will get my Zen with these crazy Narcs and bipolar at that.

  68. Green Eggs & Ham says:

    I really, really, really wish I had heard this before I believed his cunning lies AGAIN & took him back AGAIN & got swipes up in his deceit & hurried up & married him. Oh my God! It turned into a nightmare & every week it got worse. I thought I was literally losing my mind. I’m a bachelor degreed RN with a good background in psychology and an up close & personal working knowledge of narcissists. I would have these moments of clarity when I called him on his bullshit, or even broke up with him. Once for four months with no contact! He is so smooth & you are absolutely right Dr. Ramani!!! My best friend & I could never figure out his power over me! (There is SO much more to this story. He is a K1 VISA, set up by a mutual friend & he totally scammed me from day 1.) He almost destroyed my life & I doubted & questioned myself & even felt guilty when I set him up to be arrested. The mind fuck is real…& I am trying to pick up the pieces.

  69. LaChicaRivers51deMilo says:

    “Euphoric recall” Wow! Dr. Ramani you shared the very description, or I call it a label, that has helped me understand the type of rumination I used to entertain about my ex narcissistic husband. Remembering and over emphasizing primarily the good I had in my marriage while minimizing all his behavior that left me with post traumatic baggage. I understand now that it was a protection mechanism in my mind. I have healed dramatically with very little residual that I still recognize is a work in progress. You have helped me with your incredible information. I started taking hot yoga with a mixture of Pilates months ago that has also helped myself confidence exponentially. Personally, you and yoga have been empowering for me. Thank you!! ❤️🤸‍♂️

  70. Missy Rain says:

    I love how you word things, very inspiring. Always feel great and way better after hearing your words on the subject. Thanks again Dr Ramani!

  71. mahee08 says:

    I was having this euphoria again since last two days …. for some reason thx for the reminder Dr Ramimi 👏

  72. Sky Henderson says:

    Total lovebombing when this person wants something, even if it's just attention. I have never felt comfortable being myself and expressing my own needs since I was a kid (this is a parent). When I do express my needs this person looks confused, like I'm speaking a foreign language, and if I continue on they get angry and cut the conversation short. It's only ever about them, and nearly every single word out of their mouth is designed to control.

  73. J Bats says:

    Your knowledge, intelligence and delivery is very attractive to a person eager to understand how to heal. With love, Julie ❤️

  74. J Bats says:

    Ick list, just a few:
    Didn’t contribute financially towards any bills or the mortgage/rent
    Lack of interest in sex
    Scary raging
    Driving erratically
    Every day anger
    Complete entitlement
    Lived (s) in the past
    Verbally abusive
    Infintile in his thinking
    Dependent upon his mother
    Complicated relationship with mother
    Vindictive mother
    Not educated yet wants a rich lifestyle
    Angry with the world/the world owes him
    Vindictive, mean at heart.
    Just a few things here without getting too personal/the poison apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

  75. Daniel Forlano says:

    For me it was a belief that this individual would show up in my life. It never happened but the carrot bombs continued to fall. During this years long phase I lost nearly everything and it had little to do with them. The fact is they were the Christof in the control tower. But I know now how much love is security and want and growth. Still, this individual has access to my digital life and there for can control who I meet and where I am successful by interfering.

  76. Lauren Blanche says:

    Oh my gosh, I needed this RIGHT NOW! Thank you so much… starting my "ick list" tonight!

  77. D says:

    Geebus Doc the ruminating was such a nightmare. I had never known what that word meant until the narc. Now I know. …

    Also yes, the cons list really does help. I’ve had to go over it so many times to remember the shit he put me thru. The high was addictive but so toxic.

  78. V Frieca says:

    He said:
    “I don’t want you.
    I don’t want that baby.
    I can do whatever I want.
    I can fuck whoever i want!”
    All said while yelling. I was 14weeks pregnant then with our baby. I walked out. Now I am 32weeks and 2 days. It is very hard but cannot wait until I am totally healed. This video is awesome! 🙌🏻

  79. MrJerryStevenson says:

    This was amazing for me. I should make a list of all those times that were awful due to substance abuse. In AA they make you write down a resentment/ self inventory list. It’s really not helpful for someone who struggles with anxiety. Seeing myself as I am would be a better approach.

    This series helps me recognize not only my negative traits or character defects but some serious problem people that were in my life.

  80. Nona Morton says:

    Love this. And the mic asmr is soooo therapeutic for me.

  81. Todd D says:

    Thx you.

  82. My Silhouette says:

    Thank you…I needed this today,you were speaking to me

  83. Natasha Dube says:

    Dr. Ramani, could you please do a video on how they use you as a tool for sex during devaluation and how to manage those emotions because till today I continue to blame myself for not setting those boundaries which led me to be in a position where I was consistently physically and emotionally violated!

  84. lovli31 says:

    This is probably a silly question, but can you have hovering in your marriage? For instance once the person sees you have had it and are disregarding their behavior, they now try to give you attention and get you back.

  85. samantha hemingway says:

    My goodness how spot on is Dr. Ramani.

  86. Lori Anne says:

    Funny my ex narcissist that broke up with me 3 weeks ago after I found her Twitter saying she wanted to physically harm me and beat the breaks off me texted me today. After months of not disclosing my physical health status I finally told her that I have cancer and I said I’m not going to die. She was shook saying this further proves how awful she was as a gf for me to said that in a text. Then she went on to say “I know you’re not going to die you’re too persistent…lol I say that as if I was trying to kill you before”. She said well I’m glad you’re not going to die because I don’t want to have to find someone else to torture.

  87. David Janik says:

    1 of many many many points on my ick list;
    The gaslighting, the lack of emotion, I found multiple texts in their phone to other guys etc. I was hurt, we were broken… that night, I get a phone call "I'm going out for dinner with my ex tonight", in utter shock and disbelief, I said "no way in hell you are! You'd rather go have dinner with an ex, than make up for what you've done to me?", the reply I got… "well I want to be around happy people, and you're not happy at the moment"
    What a dirty nasty dog! And I still yook them back yo try and make them see my point of view!!!! Foolish!

  88. Saskia M says:

    Ick list: Quit 4 different jobs on the first day, spent 1.5 year 'training for the armed forces' while I took the financial burden and in the end went to '1 day job number 4' . Volcanic temper tantrums over : using the wrong sort of packing tape, absolutely nothing, because I didn't lock the jars properly. Nasty remarks : 'I don't see you doing this army training'. etc etc etc.

  89. Attilane Thelm says:

    My euphoric entanglement with Grandma ends faster when I remember how hella kicked out my ill grandpa is on the streets, how messed up my mom is due to her, how many people got betrayed by her, but again, she's so damaged that I still want to practice healthy empathy and compassion, with an icky list of boundaries!

  90. SONIC FOXX MUSIC says:

    "PAIN IN THE ASS" RECALL….i get it all the time.

    Crap memories….but they are the ones i want. They return and remind me NEVER to get caught in that RAT'S trap ever again.

    I AM ME now…I AM NOT THEM…or anything like them.

  91. Robyn Meierotto says:

    This is so on point. I’m recently out a relationship & yes, I remember the great times. But right now, all the “ick” that happened is keeping me firmly planted in reality. Even though my ex keeps going on & on about all the amazing things {mostly from the first 2-3 months before he showed me his other side} to try to get me to change my mind &’let him back in. He was my first relationship out of my 23 year marriage. Right now I’m committed to keeping my solitude & healing from all the emotional abuse he put me through. Thank you for your videos, I’ve learned so much.

  92. Emmerson Sprocket says:

    The only thing I'm comfortable with sharing from my "ick list" is actually somewhat euphoric. There were a couple of times when I would try to discuss a problem with my abusive ex and he would interrupt me, kiss me on the forehead, give me a hug and say "I love you. You know I would never intentionally hurt you, right?"

    It felt wonderful at the time, but looking back I know that it was a manipulative tactic to keep me under his control. It's on my ick list because now I know it was all fake. I can't thank you enough for your videos, thank you so much.

  93. Wendy Ward says:

    I wrote my ick list but weeks went by and I still started thinking what ifs . I know i should of left first / second red flag 8yrs ago but he was magnetic. Everytime i leave him i drive myself crazy thinking of his next one . Will she have a better body . Better personality. Will she cope better with him than i did . Will she …..
    I actually sent him things he done /said .

    He said you were no angel and those texts were abusive.
    No they are reality not your distorted version .
    We talk about it and always ends up huge row . Or he says dont want to talk and heads off or says you know where the door is .
    He goes to pieces when I leave him so much so his family stepped in.
    Moral of the story dont abuse me and I will stay …der !!!

  94. R Kaur says:

    Hi doctor Ramani
    I am not able to take a decision or stand for myself.every time when I think that now I am done with this difficult or toxic relationship something happens to me and I go back to that person .Please help me in this my life is becoming hell day by day m not able to focus on anything else just laying on bed and thinking the stuff and misbehave that happened to me .please guide me what should I do

  95. Buzz Yah says:

    I’m so glad I came across ur videos! Literally a few weeks ago i saw ur videos and IMMEDIATELY resonated with EVERYTHING u said and listed. At first I thought it was me the whole time and I would deep dive into the self development world to really focus on what was wrong with me. I was with my narc for over 7 years! And it literally blew my mind and that I had an answer to what I was dealing with! FINALLY🙌😩 you’ve literally changed my life as I have now moved out with my family! It has been a huge rude awakening/mind blowing process but I’m so glad I didn’t take it any further! So relieved… as of now though I have been falling into that “euphoric recall” and it does creep up but as u said- make an icky list! Which won’t take long then I’m back to being petty😅 thanks so much Doctor Ramani! You’ve literally changed my life for the better and also my family is learning more from ur videos too!🙌😌 I’m loving how the number of ur subscribers are growing!!👍🙌 keep it up Doc☺️

  96. Cymbolic Human says:

    I had the greatest love bombing, then things got ugly. They stayed ugly and I regret
    that I ever had feelings for him. Fortunately I got thrown in jail for felony child
    stealing and after a week the cops just let me go. All because I refused to
    continued living with him.. That really helped me get over him for good.

  97. Shri Pearlz says:

    This is true, it stops from making a decision.

  98. Capt Peady says:

    New subscriber; 1st comment- married for 35 years to a (beautiful) yet super narc women, yes we had some very good times. Her recall is twisted to justify that her reason is always correct and for a much better reason than mine. I dealt with it by letting her be in control and my body took a mental beating. I called it "Fighting for Love". I will stay with her, but now with knowledge I already feel better….

  99. Antonio Wikstrand says:

    One of the most confusing scenes from my ick list: After coming home from a family gathering were my living grandmother even packed her some food for her upcoming days at work. We got home and she went to bed. I had to stay up to study so I went in to our room and kissed her on the forehead and said "Goodnight". She then said with the harshest voice "Let's see life as a staircase. I'm on level 85 and you're on level 15. Sometimes I go down to level 75 but I immediately hop right back up to level 85. But you, you're always going to stay on that level or maybe even go lower." I didn't know what to respond so I just slowly walked out of the room grabbed my jacket and took a 3 hour walk outside were I called a friend and told them all about this. To this day, I still can't figure out what happened to trigger that in her. We had such a good evening? When I got back home and went to bed, she hugged me and kissed me in the most loving way. We woke up and she was like a ray of sunshine and we never talked about it again. Well, I mentioned it about a year after when she discarded me. I ironically said "well I understand that a level 85 person would not want to be with a level 15 person." To that she immediately responded "WHAT I NEVER SAID THAT!" Ahhh #lifewithanarcissist

  100. UTubeuzername84 says:

    This is excellent advice

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *